R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Randomize
