i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
