Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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