We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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