She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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