youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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