Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
