he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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