He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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