Got a toothbrush?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
