did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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