too bad you live with your parents still
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
