You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
