call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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