Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
