Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
