it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
