dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
