There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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