Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
