Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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