Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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