we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
