I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
