so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
