I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
