chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
