I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
