I skipped work to stalk him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
