Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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