How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
