im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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