theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
