No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
