Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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