is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
