Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
