Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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