hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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