their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
