i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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