if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
