Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
