i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
