you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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