nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
