got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
40s are totally the cure
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
