did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
