You work out of a Hotel?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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