I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
