worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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