just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
