I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
