apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
