We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
