those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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